Memo From My Phone #5~Shield~

With the words stuck to my head,
How can i possibly tell the rest,
When you alone would see otherwise,
I could not continue and choose to take the blame,
For i know i could handle it from time to time,
But if that was never enough for us,
Would you believe in me all the more,
With pain and bittersweet taste alike,
Would you endure it with the heart that you own right now,
I want to protect you so badly,
And the monster within me has finally show it's form,
In time,
I might be gone for a long time.

My Reverie

Somewhere special would be nice,
The place that only i know the best,
So even if i am blind against my own will,
I would probably know my way back home,
Home is what they call,
But in my place,
Not a house nor a wall that it could provide,
Just a shelter while i breathe the air,
A hideout from the sudden thunder i fear,
If i must go and choose,
Be it the place that i love,
And be it mine with just my love.

Secrets of Long Lasting Marriage

I wait for him at the path where i needed him the most,
Should he come maybe i might as well let my sword down,
Wishing he would continue the fight for me,
Too tender to go on,
And too hurtful to be strong,
I needed time my dear to heal my wound,
And should you choose to back away,
I ought to show how my real strength challenge your pride,
When i act like nothing ever happen.
Which would hurt you most my once i have cared,
The battle that i won without getting myself a scar,
Or for the fact you left me unprotected to the very end.

It was once a very sacred bond,
People believe by their own fate and handle it,
With patience and tolerance,
It was us the women who did all the sacrifice,
Some would have change it and rule their home otherwise,
But i would always believe in the sacrifice and do the same,
If i were to give a chance to prove to youngsters nowadays,
Make him the king and by heart you are the warrior,
If love can never see the tormenting heart,
Then by all means let me love him in silence for a thousand years to come.

Cherished The Reality

Making the entrance from the moment i was born,
A stage of the reality begins at the sound of my crying,
What did i know back then except throwing a tantrum,
Be it the witness to only beautiful and innocent,
The greens and the unpaved road,
I grow ever in a government house,
It has been there years and long before,
And so the river and mud has been my playground,
Air that was so fresh untainted,
I missed them so much the most and above all,
Wishing that the greenery scene would always be there,
Even 100 more years to come.

It is reality indeed,
And as the world seems to be spinning and not flat,
I come to learn a lot and sighs,
Over the age that keeps on counting day by day,
I learned to love, betrayal, pain and tears,
Comes together the moment i still longed for innocent,
No more the sunshine that shuns upon my life,
Not at all everything is bright that i see nowadays,
Either it be black, cloudy and orange,
Impure love and the real among they have missed,
I have come to missed the green mind that i had once,
So innocent and yet so calm,
So happy and happy,
The place i longed the most,
Hard to reach at the same time,
I still hope for it last 100 years more to come.

I cherished my memories that brought me here,
I told them through the art that some might understand,
The not so romantic me wishes to share the world that i once lived in,
To others that forgot their own path,
To others whom heart blacken by the pain of reality,
To others where ought the scenery not as astounding as mine,
The eyes, the wisdom, the path, the patience,
I might as well lead them the way,
As soon as i am able to mend my own broken piece,
Shall i not make it in time,
I still do hope my words reaches your heart,
If that is so,
I might be able to heal faster and lead you the place that i treasured.

Belle of Life

It was not always my way,
But when i decided that i needed an answer,
Probably i will be the gems that no one knows,
For i do not use my best to gain them answer,
I use my naivety to make them tell,
Cruel one might say,
But it will years too late for them to notice,
I could conquer much of the world,
As intriguing as it may sounds,
I do not have the ambition to conquer the places,
The world do not owned by me,
It is only a place to be thankful for being alive,
Learning the meaning, weakness and strength,
I see that much by far,
The rest in between,
More to the 'Belle of Life'.

Thought of Suiciding

When i can't seem to call,
I do hope someone would,
Even a tiny message that would say 'hi',
Even that one bit,
I could feel i want to live again,
It was not part of my life to suicide,
Only a downfall of me forgot how to get up,
Probably that is when i decided to die,
End the life that i felt so worthless,
Being useless all the same,
The attention and love from family is what pains me,
I could handle the rest of the world,
But only from them i can never fight,
I obeyed them and lost into it,
Those un-shed that were unseen,
Pain and cracks created upon the mask,
The feeling of lonely itself happen to help it faster,
As dangerous as it sounds,
Unaware of them the situation i felt,
I happen to see another light and remembering again,
No more cuts on my own left arm,
Disarm the scissors that i held for so long,
I have my beliefs and i grew up with it,
And so i prayed and repent there and just that,
As i get up again and live my life,
To the fullest and to my joy.

Until That

Until my time start ticking again,
I will be waiting for him and lowering myself,
Not that i worshipped him,
But the uncertain answer that he gave,
Was the only reason i have not settle my own,
I ask him all the more,
That simple and typical question that i needed him to answer,
Has become years and challenging my patience,
Chances of too many that i gave,
Becomes my stupidity in love,
It is true i am counselling those broken heart,
Thus,
Here i am unable to fix mine.

Life continues on and it did,
As our own dreams we were reaching have accomplished,
We still gave out the terms 'friends',
I have wish to slap you hard enough,
But as i realize someone did slapped me from the sleep,
My hesitation and his uncertainty has to be stopped,
And in the end i backed away the moment he give me the answer,
It was years late i told him so,
What did we feel was mutual and long,
When i hold his hand tight and smile upon him,
Let my time tick again and i start walking without turning back,
Until he gave me the ring,
Until then I will give him mine.