In Love With Him

Could it be love that i wanted,
But if that love were to know about my past,
Can i still have and be greedy with the love now,
I can not ask for more,
But somehow it pains me.

Yes i have been making mistakes,
A sin that i myself cannot tolerate,
So what will happen if the secret is out,
Will i actually have you as my man,
Or the look that you would give just like others,
The thoughts alone pains me.

I am in love with you,
Not that i can deny it any longer,
But there this wall that i could not break,
Nor stop building,
For on the other side of that wall is your feeling that i try to protect,
The love that you thought of sacred,
I can not tell you that i too love you.

I am me,
With my past that beholds me,
Prison that i put myself in,
Every now and then i try to tell you,
But the longer it takes,
The deeper i fall into your love.

To grow up fast,
Or to be a baby forever,
One of the things that some might consider,
Wonder which will be good,
Probably being the innocent one,
Or the one who see the world.

A Married Life

Sincerely i hope and wish,
To be married and to be love,
To find the one and only,
When that day do happen,
Can i tell the whole world how happy i am,
And tell them about the gift for being a wife.

Sends my invitation,
Come to the wedding,
With the joy and tears,
I have dream about the day,
Where i happen to meet him and be love,
No matter how ugly and sizes i am,
He who chose me would happen to love me back,
And when that day happen,
Can i tell the whole world how joyful i am,
And tell them how blessed i am to be his wife.

Let the ring slid onto my ring,
By the man of my parent chose,
For i know they pray for my happiness,
Not knowing who, i vow,
No matter how hard the storm may come,
What may happen in the future,
The ups and downs of a married life,
Can i tell the whole world how happy i am,
And tell them about the love and relationship that i have with him.

One that i happen to see,

One that i happen to hold,

I had hope for someone to hear me out,

For this heart of mine,

In needs of love and love alone.

Love?

I have always ask myself,
Would we still be together and marry each other,
Apart we are,
The love between us seems fading,
But sometimes,
We would find each other again,
Not for the embrace or warmth,
Only a place to hold onto.

Question about our love,
Have faded to what i could not answer,
When did we become like this,
Apart we are,
The question that i can never answer,
And the question that you refuses to answer as well,
Make us what we are right now,
I am with my life,
And you with your dreams.

I'll Be Strong

I could not ask them to stay by my side forever,
Although in pain i am,
I must close my eye and let them go,
I know i will be fine eventually,
For i would not let myself fall by my own,
I keep their lesson in my head,
Use it until i see my way out again,
Just like when they were with me,
I'll hold onto my own hand,
Feet stay on the ground,
I will forever fight my endless battle.

I could not ask them to wait for me,
Although this fear that i can no longer ignore,
I must not hide from the thunder and the forever rain,
The striking lightning i have to overcome,
I will do that without my dark room,
Just like what they taught me,
I will not hide in that tiny room anymore,
For when the rain do falls hard,
When the lightning do strikes,
I will see only you and hear your words,
To console me throughout the storm.

A Waitress I Am

Laughter of the recent incident,
A leisure talk on love and life,
This table that i served,
Are the teenage that were about to see new world.

Of the cars and pride,
The bikes and the journey,
This table that i served,
Were the talks on their fame of their own world.

Dissatisfaction over land,
Complaining over politics,
Ah, this table that i served,
Full of folks that known so much.

Chaos and calm,
Match up together in this small cafe,
This table that i served,
Family that spent their time together.

Running and hurrying,
Taking orders and counting,
With the table i served,
I too learned a lot from them.

Belongs to My Family

I have missed what i have before,
Even so how i yearned for it,
I can never look back and just move on,
For this sacrifice are not made for me,
But for the sake of my love one which i treasure,
Cared for and i am forgotten,
I am not whining or complaining,
Just a story that i share of the important,
In lives for a small family like mine.

Not fame or luxury would tempt me,
Break me away from the dear that i love,
Angry i might have been,
In pain with tears along,
The end of everything is what kept me going,
Dying with happiness,
Appreciating the nature,
I gave them what i see and what i learned,
And it become a story to share,
To the grand-kids about the hardships of life.

Glory to Forget

Every day i begin with my note,
The things i see and the things i learn,
Some are for the laughter,
For the tears,
But most importantly for the learning,
The life that gave me a new breathe,
The same one has offer me the treasure,
For some highest mountain that i have climbed,
I must not forget about the others that are in the list,
And so i learn more in accepting,
Tolerating and forgiving,
Ignoring the ridiculous matter,
Cause the mouth that are given i can never shut them all.

What do they know about pride,
Lowering the ego and understanding,
So far i have reach to the point,
Childish i may look,
Ignorant that i am,
But so far than the eye could see,
As it was the same saying that can never be judge,
A book by its cover,
It is the same as the look that they are seeing,
For the money that i care not,
Nor the glory i want to hold,
It was just something simple and precious,
The treasure i would not trade,
Begins with my family,
The one i want to protect.

I'll be their warrior even if i am the duke,
I'll be their shelter though i am the laird,
I'll be everything to them and be them all,
Then one day i might know,
Someone would actually be there for me.

To the people, For the people

It was mysterious not a secret,
Not that i am ashamed to share,
Nor even a story that i refuse to tell,
It was the things that i let go and stripped away,
To become the one and only D that people would know,
How i can smile thoroughly even the past of mine,
Something more valuable and precious,
To the people that i love,
And for the people that i adore.

Not a history that they notice,
So i will smile and laugh all the way,
Eat all i want with books that i will collect,
My favourites and my interest have not bother other,
For as long as i manage to keep it within my space,
Works that i do without greed to follow,
Just sincere and the will to keep on living,
Just for something more valuable and precious,
To the people that i love,
And for the people that i protect.

Note to 'Them'

Then comes that day,
Where i hope it would come sooner,
When the world is spinning,
So does the karma that has fallen,
Something that they could not escape,
Something that they could not see,
In the past we are only painting faces with big smile,
The house is our stage,
The family is our audience,
What do they know about the pain that we felt,
What do they learn from the stories that they would not hear,
Every of them has their own voice,
Voices of dagger and voices breaking,
I can only watch by far,
Not that i could not help,
They are older than me that i could not touch,
Their pride and ego are all there in the faces that they hold up,
So what more than a timid me can do,
Beside telling the whole world about my trouble,
It was a shame that i wish to hide,
But what exactly do they learn when they see this,
I sincerely hope,
One day their hand would touch my name.

Regret

Like there's no tomorrow i would lead my life,
Keeping it simple and fun,
Throwing away the pain and the glory,
It was all not mine nor for me to keep,
As i know what i'm bringing Home,
Countless times it has been reminded,
Taught and were shown,
I have done this part of mine,
Now i need another leader to lead my entire life.

Guide me to the road that we know it's there,
Hold my hand ever so tight and walk me through,
I may have stray here and there in the past,
But please my dear special one,
Stay with me until the end of its time,
My redemption is nothing but a secret,
A sin that i have been regretting,
Now would you lead me to that road,
The only road that are meant for us to be in The Almighty's side.

What they have forgotten

Yes,
They are forgetting,
Those tiny bits that they replace with another happiness,
The cost of the irreplaceable are nothing but full of darkness,
Blinded with desires and idiocy,
Wealth and power,
Making the headlines and be the talk of town,
But what is it that went missing that they replace,
I could have told them but with a hit on the head,
I have warned them all along before it went away,
Before it was all gone,
Millions of time i keep telling the same,
And what is it that in the end of it,
Regrets and tears that was seen,
A forgiveness that you wail for,
And a death that you can never cure with money nor power,
It was too late for anything,
The parent that they thought of nothing,
It was actually the beginning of a home.

Truth Side of Story

I could not come sooner,
Nor heal the wounded heart that i heard from so far,
There are times i would be so far away,
Not that i have ignore your pain,
When over the sea that i am,
I have been mending other people's heart,
With honesty and some thinking,
Heal it from vengeance but more onto sweetness,
I have told the advice that i see and felt the same way,
Neither the side that i would have win,
I open the door to the heart for happiness,
Forgiveness and forget,
Lead them to the new world with a better see.

Forgive me if it was a little bit late,
Now that i have arrive and be your ear again,
Be the console and healer all along,
Mending your heart with some bitter truth again,
And mends it again with my thinking and the other answer,
Mistake there is,
Pain there is,
Unavoidable my dear lady,
Its the karma of life,
The turns of the wheel,
And so people have said more,
But my dear lady,
I am hear to tell you what i hear,
To mend the misunderstanding,
And given you a new more meaning to the past,
That tears of your i wipe it with the guidance of The Almighty,
In future,
You would not be taken away with hurtful and pain,
THIS,
My dear lady,
I have promise you although a little bit late,
Please wait for me.

Tale of D

They are tides that i have to overcome,

Or so the people call it,

I have understood it well and taken it far,

Facing the past and the sins,

Some forgiveness that i gain,

And some hardship that i have to handle,

Wanting probably wishing is more i could,

A hand to keep my heart warm,

A shoulder to cry on,

Every nights i would shed my tears on lonesome,

I could not bear the life without a string to hold onto,

I told them mostly about everything,

Tell the closest the need that i hunger for,

But it was a tale not stories to remember,

It was a heart that are unwanted,

Me being their strength and laughter,

When slowly it keeps giving me the same pain,

Ails me and just torture me,

I have wanted to tell more,

Not a secret that i want to keep,

As i have said,

It was only a tale,

A tale of the life of D.

When It Ends

We meet again because of our past,
The final thing that we wanted to end,
End it in a good way so that we can move on,
And so we did meet again,
Confirming the heart does not belong there anymore,
No more stories to be told,
No more news to be shared,
It was only the moment of silent and nothing else,
That very day we were in our own world,
An awkward smile and comparison,
As the day ends,
We parted with a new resolution,
We were both very satisfied,
Cause it was decided then and there,
It would be the last time we see each other,
As we move on and meet other people.

A long hiatus

Seems like forever it is,
Just waiting and waiting,
Wonder what is it i may come up with,
About what is it that i may conclude with,
Was it about love or friendship,
Maybe about heart and relationship,
None could have wonder if i was saving the earth,
Or the people within,
All that left,
Is the decision of my own heart and mind,
At the tip of my finger.

I am like some ordinary and normal people,
Happen to be sick and busy,
All the people that have been waiting for my next call,
Are left with disappointing result,
The minute they open my page,
It was left hiatus for a long time,
I try to tell you in every way i can,
And that every way that i can,
Left me to another dimension only the flyer that can see. 

Memo From My Phone #4 (Malay) -Kata-kata Tangisan-

Hati yang menyimpan 1001 luahan kata-kata tangisan,
Tatkala dalam kegembiraan aku khabarkan,
Bukan aku senang keadaan yang sedemikian,
Lidahku terlalu kelu untuk aku luahkan,
Pernah dan seringkali jua aku membuka kata hati,
Akan tetapi tidak didengari mahupun dipedulikan,
Tidak aku nafikan mereka jua pun turut merasa begitu,
Bezanya aku,
Tiada tempat untuk mengadu,
Lantas aku pendamkan saja tangisan ini,
Menjadi dodoian tidurku saban malam,
Dan bila malam menjelma hitamnya,
Layarku sering berada pada satu soalan,
'Pada bahu siapakah hendak aku sandarkan?',
Hati yang sekian lama terluka,
Sudah aku ubati juga berkali-kali ulangnya,
Namun tiada lagi aku merasa kehangatan kasih pada hati ini,
Hanya sekadar layar yang kosong,
Untuk hati yang kian parah,
Bimbang kiranya aku yang menjadi korban.

Memo From My Phone #3 (Malay) -Sekadar Seni-

Hanya sekadar seni,
Buat hati yang menyimpan rasa,
Topeng yang sering menjadi tontonan umum,
Memaparkan kisah bahagia, senyum dan gembira,
Tatkala sendirinya aku di sini,
Bila malam menjelang kegelapannya,
Hati ini sering mengeluh kepenatan,
Aku yang hampir mengalah,
Di saat air mata hampir menitis,
Aku tetap bangkit untuk hari yang seterusnya.

Memo From My Phone #2 -Reasons to avoid-

I've seen too many things,
In return i refuses to experience the many things,
The hardship equals the pain,
I want to avoid it all,
But fate and destiny is something else,
It can never be avoid nor create,
No matter how i wish and pray for exception,
But unknowingly it forces me to open up the many things,
Even so,
I can never deny what this life have for me.

Memo From My Phone #1 -In Needed-

Who's there to massage me,
Be my consoler and be my ear,
I have often wondered at least once a day,
All the hands that i gave to them,
I felt solitude crept up upon me,
Asking me who would be the one to do the same for me,
I could not give the answer not even once.

It was not because i want something in return,
But there are times when i am useless to my own self,
In needed of the hands of other people,
No matter how much i ask and hinted,
No one would be bothered a slave like me.

Sometimes i don't know which pain me the most,
Was it the aching back or simply just my broken heart,
Either way i still don't know who whisper the question to my ear,
Be it the angel who cares for me,
Or the devil who tries to lure me with lust,
In my despair,
I trust no one,
Not even me to give out the answer.

Somewhere in the woods

Living in the life of my own,

Full of beauty and warmth,

Simply out of purity and peacefulness,

I could tell you what i see,

And it is up to you to make up the story.

Green and dark woods,

Somewhere deep down,

A home not too rich but warm when it gets cold,

Full of love and romance in the air,

Flower ever like Daisy her favourite of all,

A little swing tied onto a tree,

And somewhere around there,

When you happen to look up,

One more house hanging and growing within trees.

Small river by the side,

A clear water without any dirt,

Mainly just fresh living fish and creatures,

Haunted as it may seem,

But they still could make it so warm,

And ever so safe,

Just when they hold out their hand,

We could never really understand that feeling,

Him and her are the only one creating it,

Just like an angel there are,

Releasing us from our despair.

Without the mask

There are this time,

That particular time where i acted as it was real,

But don't be hurt by my true self,

As you should have think about the consideration earlier,

I did not ask for anything in return,

Just a little space where i needed to have,

I have endure all and  be patience more,

Waited like forever when you have the time,

Just like everyone else have their limitation,

I too have my own and it's thin like ice.

My true self without a smile nor warmth,

I have warn you before to not take heart,

Told you about the consequences that might occur,

It was without a heart nor kindness,

Only a blank stare through your persuasion,

Through your shocking i cannot be deterred,

The once easily be talked on everything,

Easily be console with gifts and jokes,

Were nothing toward the me that you see today.

Today i have showed you the real me,

Not that it was never there,

This true self is too fearful for me to handle,

The hearts that i never want to break,

The happiness that i wanted to keep,

Forgive me for being like a stone,

Being so cold hearted without a feeling,

I cannot laugh any longer with you,

Hard headed that i am until this time,

But this might hurt you even more,

To hear the truth.

What are my words to you

What are my words to you,
When i whisper it to your ear,
I spoke the word of love and happiness,
But why is it that you hold me so tight,
Almost like trying to heal me,
Consoling me with your own words,
When all of sudden,
I'm not strong enough to endure it,
As i cry and cry on that shoulder of yours,
Until now i wonder,
What are my words to you,
When i spoke the word of love and happiness.

Reasons for living

I am not listed as the great one,
Nor could i be that kind of person,
No matter how i strive harder than usual,
I am still the invisible me,
The unseen and unheard of,
Though there i am standing in front of your eye,
It was nothing,
Not even a glance from you.

What ails me as i grew up,
The silent that they gave,
When the question on why i'm still here were asked,
So much for the excuse that they could not say,
Acting like it was so mysterious,
But what they truly felt nothing than embarrassment,
Not that i stay silent,
Like i have said before,
This voice of mine was unheard.

I am blind, deaf and mute,
This eye, ears and mouth are perfect,
But not to them that i am living my life for,
Sacrifice every bit,
Just like a puppet i am being experiment,
My reasons are nothing but an excuse,
I have wonder so often,
So often that i can never cry,
What is the reason i live until now.

A Complete Heart

The complete side of me,
The protector and the warrior,
Warm on my hand and close to the heart,
Leader among my world,
Respected by the power that he holds,
Not the money that he counts,
Accepting me as who i am,
Protecting my flaw with his power,
While I be his better half,
To complete him and to be completed by him,
He's the one that i want.

Price of Karma

I sometimes wonder,
How long and just how much,
Endurance and tolerance that i have to go,
I wish i had all the answer and sometimes,
I wish i only know that much,
Knowing everything makes life harder,
Their feeling that i have to think about,
The limit that only i can know,
Something should be ignore,
Before i forgot about myself.

The thing that i'm scared of,
How much pain that keeps on adding,
To the memories that will fade in time,
The scar that will somehow open up,
I'm still scared to what it will made me,
Fearing i would be the monster,
Be someone that i could hardly recognize,
Reminders of everyday mending the pieces,
Is a fragile matter,
When i have to be the angel of my wild side.

My tears are my pride,
Hidden and unknown,
Secrets that are kept within this four walls,
Protecting me from the harm and evil,
I would cower myself up during the night,
The only moment that i would know,
Without any disruption,
I would have the time of my own,
To cry my heart out,
And to write hundreds of my own story.

It's the price i'm taking,
Of the sins that i have done,
Of the people that i have hurt by far,
Ignore and trouble,
Mock and sarcasm,
I have done it all when i'm too high up there,
Now i felt it all as the karma works around,
I can only ask forgiveness,
And pray for each other's happiness,
I pray for you too.

Free Love Song

I would write what i have wanted,
Says whatever i want to say,
Sing it although out of tune,
Without a melody i don't want to bother,
A song that no one would listen,
It was only my voice and my own music,
Creating what i thought was the best,
Smiling toward the outrageous meaning,
But i care not about the fact,
It was based on my eyes and what i feel,
The meaning of everything the way i see it.

I'll say the sky is blue which is true,
But with a bit of purple that i can only see,
Boast to them i would cross the open sea,
But i could barely swim for a mile,
Talk about my love for you as high as the mountain,
Deeper than the sea,
Scientifically it was all a bluff and something to laugh,
The words of love sometimes sound foolish,
Even the great geniuses would compare it the same,
If it's about love,
Everyone is the same.

So the stars that are hidden behind the cloudy night,
Sky still glows like a diamond unpolished,
When the early rises shuns upon my face,
I'll shout to the world the happiness i have,
And so here it goes the bizarre of my world.

Like the wind the pain of yesterday,
A flower for the smile on your face,
As sky,stars, moon and sun i would present it to you,
Of all the world thats there to give,
I would hand it to you like i own it too,
The barren tree would look so lovely in that eye of yours,
Even the things that i didn't see colourful would look so great on you,
Others would think i'm crazy if i compare the flower and your face,
The seasons change but never my love,
They would say it all the same if in love like me,
As crazy as it sounds,
I open the door of my locked heart for you.

Stories of love are everywhere i might see,
I don't envy as i have my own too,
Mock the singles and the **** for sneering the greatest gift,
I boasted more and more and be proud of it all the same,
Shows it to the world that we too can preserve peace,
The extinction if we're not so selfish,
Now what is it i am inserting in my own song,
All i know i am singing a love song.

An announcement

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Some for the moment of holding on,

Moment of endurance were also there to come,

It is what it is,

A foolish feeling but yet people still need it,

A drug so addictive and a virus without the cure,

So many times fall for the strangest moment,

At the strangest time,

Deny it as much as they can,

But the LOVE will never leave you alone,

When you might want to lock or harden your heart,

This is the gift that unable to be kept away,

Slyly it will creep up upon the place that you didn't know,

As you realize it,

It was not something that you can let go.

Make me  believe in you,

Kept that it is something worth it,

No matter how much i want to deny it,

I too want to fall in love.

From  THE AUTHOR

That was once peaceful

Where do we go if the place now being conquered,
By some scholar but without a brain,
Some intelligent that could hardly think,
Geniuses gave out some impossible and all the nonsense,
Years with peace now tainted with power,
Hunger of money and control,
They have forgotten the one thing that they have to remember,
What have become to their surroundings,
They too have feelings and human themselves.

How is it their lust turn them becoming ever so moronic,
Their gifted talent was nothing but a bluff,
A head so full of loathsome thoughts,
Spreading it like a virus and slowly taking others innocent,
All that talk about money and power,
Back then it was only the talk of coffee shop,
Now it happen in the place where it have been safe the whole time,
Devils can only laugh by the downfall of humanity.

This world comes to an end,
All the young one would not be able to see,
To see the world that we have live in long before then,
From the moment of our independence comes the beautiful of our own,
Now tainted with all the powers and money that they want to seize,
Glory and name filled with bloods and pain,
They have forgotten that we too have fought,
But not the power just a peaceful place that we want,
Until now,
We would wait and fight back,
As we bring back memories and cease their corrupt thoughts.

To that friend of mine

I am not missed by the people i hope,
But i am glad i am still missed,
Not that i deliberately leave without a call,
Nor any news,
The circumstances on my side could not let me explain well,
About the more than just the simple ordinary me,
Just like you,
I too have my own ups and downs.

Never did i forget about those who cares,
Try as i might to show i care,
Wanting to let them know i haven't change,
To the moment i hope they understand more,
But even so i understand something else,
About the part where the one i hope to listen wouldn't care,
So i turn to those who care and not neglect me,
As i give the same love that they have been given all along.

So much for the misunderstanding,
Not the explanation they care to hear,
Talking about the pain they feel betrayed,
The tiniest apology only looked to be down,
We were once the closest friend and the best-est friend,
Now we dare to even throw each other away,
Not that i too don't feel hurt nor say it to you,
But your heart that i could not tell,
It's sometimes best we are apart now and silent,
As for how long i could not answer. 

Nights

The hour that i would bravely stare,
When the sky covered in darkness,
Humming myself to the song that i never heard of,
Just a melody and sometimes the lyrics i made up,
Mostly about my day and confession,
To whom i dedicated it to,
Probably to the faces that i see,
While the dark sky,
Becomes a movie set of my life.

Even if tomorrow i worry when to open my eyes,
I am still mesmerized about the jewel behind the dark sky,
Thousands of them but unreachable,
Some would say it would rain tomorrow,
In my own eye,
It was like a hope or my chances,
Though it would not always be there,
But the stars that night,
Is the only one would painted more colour while it twinkling.

So much for darkness ahead,
As the heavy clouds finally make a way,
There,
For the moon that always have been there,
Like a map in my life,
In every patterns that are created,
The shining moon,
Look ever so ordinary,
But for the night that i treasure,
It was my only place to smile upon.

That Friend

Much to my concern,
I could no longer ask about you,
That particular moment where we haven't solve,
As we avoided each other all the more,
But as far as i can get,
No matter how well i have been,
I do still wonder about the other side of you.

I could have asked my dear friend,
But it wasn't from the voice of yours,
Sneaking upon your side to side,
I still want to look out for you,
Although that pain i can still feel until now,
A friend we were,
And that is all i could think of now..

Winter in the Village

Surrounded with trees,
Small ravine along the corps,
I call it winter in the mid of summer,
A place whereas no other would be,
There's winter in my village,
A saying that lingers in my head.

The grass green just like usual,
 No bed of snows needed to be worried on the porch,
Fallen leaves crunchier like ever,
Flowers bloom with the colour they were given to,
Unlike the other place that they have boasted of white,
The winter in my village,
Full of colours and the sound of nature as the music.

Crickets can be heard at nigh,
So loud that it becomes a lullaby to my ear,
Blankets are enough to cover me from the cold,
Never mind about the sky throughout the night,
For it is best to stay tucked on the bed,
As winter in my village,
Gives me a good night sleep.

Moaning for cold so early in the morning,
About the freezing water but still is water,
Not with the ice or frozen one,
Kept under the cold night for hours or so,
The people in village do not mind,
For the winter in my village,
Kept me fresh and cool.

Drip, drip, drip,
The aftermath of pouring tropical rain,
All the thoughts are the same at the end of the day,
That afternoon was just a taste of summer,
And that evening then comes winter,
Cause the winter in my village,
Would only appear when it rains.

I Love You

What is it that makes you special,
The things that you cherished the most i envy them,
No matter what may come in your way,
Your own strength to keep on believing and going,
I wanted the same,
That part of you that are so special,
I love them just like 'I Love You'.

What is it that makes you special,
That little flaw that you had hidden,
Honestly shown in the eyes of my long relationship,
The endurance to keep everything stabilize and accepting,
Your understanding in your own weakness,
Admit without any denial while you smile at it,
I wanted to do the same,
That imperfection side of you,
I love them just like 'I Love You'.

Flowers For My Friend

I have missed my chance of lending,
Lending this very shoulder that you needed the most,
I have heard it on the news,
About the once peaceful land,
Now have become the great grave of all,
Buried houses and bodies are still missing,
The damage is massive,
I have heard it all,
While i was laughing with my friends.

It was pretty late for me to come and comfort,
A lot of hand were there before i could make a decision,
A friend that you have known and thought would help,
Suddenly were too silence on my side,
But i still come, my dear friend of mine,
And forgive me for my tardiness,
The words seem to always stuck that kept me away,
As i was searching for you in every place that was once there,
Forgive me for making you wait,
As i sat next to the grave with your name entitled to it.

Even Love...

Even if love can hurt,
And it would hurt,
I still hope to find the one and only love,
That fear of heartbreaking moment is still there,
But if that is so,
I want to fall in love again.

Even if love can hurt,
And it would hurt,
I want to keep on believing in it,
About the greatest gift that The Almighty has given to me,
But even so,
I still put the one that gave me this gift the first.

Even if love can hurt,
And it would hurt,
I will always fight for it,
Accepting the flaw in others and letting them in without a doubt,
If that would have happen,
Then it would be a true love of all.

My Last Relationship

What love have left for us,
Are not just pain and suffering,
We both did have our happy moment,
The moment of confessing,
Going out for the first time,
Trying so hard to impressed the other side,
To the moment we were both blinded by those fake act,
As time pass by,
Comfort by what we have seen so far,
The love has grown so much that it blinded us again.

Love never change,
The fact that it got stronger changes our way,
Wanting to show the real side of us,
The good, the bad and the worse,
Thinking and hoping it would be accepted,
Without anymore pretense,
We just want to see each other true self,
What we didn't think of,
We forgot to accept the imperfection,
In the end causes the fight and dissatisfaction,
For so long we endure,
Tired and boredom has come to us,
Just like my favourite song quote,
Love will never change but only people do.

Now that i am alone,
Staring at the once busy ringing phone,
Thinking back what went wrong that kept us apart,
I see it now,
How each other's flaw that we are unable to take,
The true face that each other want to show,
It all comes in vain,
I do wonder if honesty in true self need a right time,
We were young back then,
Underestimating the power of love,
Misunderstood what it was all about,
We are well now,
But we can never go back once more,
The meaning ahead of it,
Kept us from opening doors to each other.

Three Things.

Walk with me for a while,

For once in your life would you listen to what i'm saying,

Without any objection,

Just let me selfishly think that i am right this time,

Selfishly let me be the one making the decision and take the risk,

You can only look and be my supporter,

Only for that time,

Let me fall and be back on my feet again.

Sit with me for a while,

Let me cry as i tell you what i have been keeping,

No questioning nor correcting,

Just let this tears of mine flow ever so freely in front of you,

Showing you the pain that i have endure by far,

The things that creeps upon me at night,

When i couldn't sleep nor talk to anyone,

Just let me cry my heart out,

As you be a person for me to rely upon,

Only for that time,

Let me show you that i am too a person with feelings.

Stay with me forever,

As i pour out the final secret and the truth,

No yelling and disbelief,

But slap me and abandon me if that is possible,

Let me be without a name that is known to your ear,

A stranger to your eye,

So it will be easy for me to walk out of that only door,

No goodbyes that i will leave,

Probably just a letter on the table that i happen to like,

Traces of me will be completely erase,

Only for that time,

Don't forgive a person like me and live healthy. 

Bits of D's life

I am not known for the things that i accomplished,
People don't talk about my achievement,
Nor did i bother to add another trophy in my wall of fame,
Being forgotten and alone is the things that i grew up,
Run as i might getting away from the thoughts that occur,
But what do voices do when i needed it the most,
Tongue-tied by the fear of hurting others,
I could not help but only to put this faces that you see everyday,
Whatever you want from me,
A puppet that you carried around,
Will always lend this shoulder for you,
Just pretending that everything is alright,
When i do know the real of the reality that i see,
Consoling them by sending the words that are meant for me,
I only happen to be a shadow behind my own self,
A time that i disappear was only when darkness fall,
Without the lights nor guideness,
I could only believe on the path that i took,
They don't remember my footprints,
Of how i fall so far behind while struggling ever so hard,
This wall of fame that i look upon,
Is only the glory that i once had and now it's forgotten.

A short thought.

I cannot but feel so far among the crowds,
So little among the little,
So small among the smallest,
It's the eyes that says it all,
None of the words would be heard,
But somehow it reaches through,
Where i get the point of bits in every stare,
I would smile along to become strong again.

A request for love song

I was depending on this hand of mine,
To tell others what i have been feeling inside,
The very reason why i cannot fulfill other's request,
A love song for them and specially for them,
I haven't been able to write it for so long,
Cause each time i do let it flow,
It becomes more pain and less happiness,
To the point i fear they might become like me,
Since it seems like my words can soothe them,
But i had to back off when it comes to the love song that they wanted.

My hand writes what it is in my heart,
The things that i might not be able to tell for so long,
My life, journey and my past,
I have been telling them all and not lies that were spoken,
But just as complicated i am showing emotion,
They still thought of me as the art itself,
Which is why the requests that i turned down for so long,
I am never to write it,
For the moment that is,
As time will come when i fall in love,
And until then,
Wait for the love songs that i believe in will make you see.

The hand that writes,
Is from the bottom of my heart,
It was my final conversation that will make you hear,
For ain't no more lie that i'll be telling you,
Just something honest that you wanted to hear,
If it pains you or gave you a whole lot more,
Then come to think about the life that i lead,
For the smiles and faces that i cherished,
To protect them by sealing my mouth shut,
The same reason why i can never sing the love song for you,
I have written it, 1 by far,
But i have not sung upon the meaning behind it.

Time that i owe.

I hunger the time for myself,
Seldom people see me rushing out with no reason,
There's always tomorrow what they said,
But for me,
I sometimes fear of what future give for me,
Is it the news that constantly becomes my greatest fear,
Or is it the day that i never open my eye again,
I am not that afraid,
I am just trying to give the present that i promise,
The one that i love and cherished,
For this certain reasons,
I want the time for myself.

The forever ticking minutes i refuse to count,
It only matters what have i done for the whole day,
Did i mend the pieces of my broken heart,
Ask forgiveness and forgave those that come and go,
Any more debt that i haven't paid in money or promises,
I was not looking back when i remember all this,
It was just a completion to deal with before i go,
Or before that time really comes,
I just want to be where i feel the happiest without any burden,
Just solving the matters and leave it behind,
With that i am happy for being selfish with the time of my own.

It's art

It's art,
The life that i had lead,
Happiness, sadness, tears, joy,
Regret, pain, heartbreak and all,
So much more to see,
More to explore,
About the creator and everything,
It's art,
A beautiful art,
On the day that i was born,
Until the day i close my eyes.

It's art,
Painted in so much more the colours could handle,
Brushes that were used,
Often replace in each and every step that we took,
Canvas as wide as the sky,
Still painting no matter what the time is,
On the eyes that are watching and understanding,
It's art,
A mysterious art,
On the day that i was born,
Until the day i close my eyes.

It's art,
No matter how rough the surface is,
Or the sudden leaves that were printed there,
Even and tiny dot on a white canvas,
It is still what it is,
A mark upon the life that we lead,
More and more tools to be used,
As a protection, loyalty, trusting and love,
Some simple feeling that could not be seen,
As the hand touch it and feel all the more,
It's art,
A touching art,
On the day that i was born,
Until the day i close my eyes.

It's art,
The interpretation of life,
Understanding what is hidden in between,
Remembering and cherishing,
Forgiving and forgetting,
Even the colourful canvas could be turn into white,
Slowly as we go and move on,
Loving and never stops caring,
What i see and what you see,
Is ever so beautiful,
To the eye that colour their work in white,
It's art,
A complicated art,
On the day that i was born,
Until the day i close my eyes.

Be my answer.

Being alone is what lead me to this,
Unable to depend on other people,
No matter what i have face,
I face it head on although fear is stealing my courage,
But still i use every of my strength and even weakness,
To fight and just keep on fighting,
For the answers that i need,
Lies somehow along the way.

I'm someone who are curious in every way,
This popping question comes to me,
In every step,
Every destination i go,
Unable to run away,
Hints and clues i'm unable to miss,
Disturbing my nights and my mind,
To the day i become so anxious to what i may found,
In the future without a fortune teller to rely on.

Be it a simple question that i ask,
A minute that i could no longer wait for answers,
Every bits of my patience is melting like the fallen icebergs,
For you are the one that i have chosen,
Expecting to have the answers to my every question,
Which is why my heart chose you,
Cause my instinct told me,
You hold the key to my every question that needed answers.

To the girl that i knew

Smile for me,

My beautiful you,

The look on your face has faded for so long,

I could not touch you nor hold you so close,

The endless mask that you wear,

Someday i would hope to see you bloom again.

Smile for me,

My little angel,

So wounded now i didn't see it coming,

The story behind it i still have yet to discover,

Grudge, hatred and pain was all there to tell,

No longer i could warm you enough,

One day i hope to be in your favourite season, autumn.

Smile for me,

My darling you,

The fear that you felt becomes your greatest wall,

So high that i could not see the other side,

Innocence, trust, honesty and love that you once have,

Hidden at the smallest part of the puzzle that i could not see,

I could not crawl onto your heart again,

As every day i pray for your freedom.

Smile for me,

My girl that i knew,

You are ever so beautiful in my eye though the learning is tough,

Your past that you have forgive and forget,

I could finally embrace you in my warmth,

Shields you when you break free,

Now that i see it in your face once more,

The ever so bright that shuns upon the everywhere we go,

When you learn to lean on me,

As every breath that i take,

I would keep holding onto this hand.

Anonymous Sinner

An unspoken apologize,
Unknowingly what was the fault,
Silently i gave myself to surrender,
Against my own nature,
I sacrifice the way i live so far,
Such sins that was untold,
A secret that i have kept so long,
Who would have thought i have come this far,
Sometimes i thought of confessing,
But then will they be able to forgive me,
This is my only way to ask for forgiveness,
Unknowingly,
They thought i have change.

Yesterday's sin that i want to forget,
Bury so deep in my own Pandora's box,
Untouchable and cannot be open,
Ever since the regret that i have felt,
The tears that i will give upon them,
Silently,
Just ever so secretly,
I kept asking for forgiveness,
They didn't know,
The reason i try so hard to take care of them,
Be good to them,
Obeyed them like a faithful daughter,
That was just my other half of the story,
I wonder what will happen when the learn,
About the past that i'm trying to keep.

All the cleaning,
The hardworking,
I devoted myself to them,
Making them happy are my priority,
Letting them unhurt,
Be their shoulders of everything that needed,
I am there for them,
For how long i have live my life like this,
I seem to forget when was the last time,
I thought of being selfish,
It wasn't enough,
The fear that they won't forgive me,
It haunts me to the very day,
Nights of terror in my own sleep,
My own bed,
My own diary,
The pain that i felt throughout this ordeal,
Is nothing to what my sins will do to them,
Forgiveness that i keep on asking,
But unknowingly,
And anonymously.

On days like this

If i were to fall,
Who would do the job,
Small matter it is,
But where is my fighting will?
I have come this far to be taken down by my health,
Not that i forgotten about myself,
I have tried as much as everyone else,
Often i see others in front of me,
More painful and tiring than me,
Thus i challenge myself to that one point,
The part where i have forgotten i have my limit,
No matter how i overcome it,
I seem to sunk deeper into this illness,
Even so,
If i didn't tell myself to get up,
Who would replace me and remember me.

Headache, dizziness, the cold and the coughing,
My hand keep on working,
Doing the same old routine,
Acting like it was nothing,
Heavy as it gets,
I avoided taking medicine,
Fearing i slept throughout the whole day,
What could have happen to them,
If this is about money,
I would have taken the pills,
But this is something else,
A burden that i always thought i am,
Trying to get away from the title matters to me,
As i keep standing still,
Smiling ever so healthy,
Acting i can handle this and ask for more.

Here i am,
Due to my own stubborn and pride,
My own 'title' that i was trying to get rid,
Alas,
I'm on this very bed of mine,
Staring into the ceiling,
Whispering the name who would hear me out,
Holding my hand onto air,
Wishing someone did hold onto it,
Head feels heavy i could no longer hold it,
My eyes slowing closing my vision,
As i had my nights,
So empty and cold,
Shivering and painful,
With hopes but the knowing,
Is even hurtful than the state i'm in.

Behind my dream.

It was taken lightly,
By the people i trust and would never betray,
But here's the reply,
Of all the years and the plan,
I have been cheated and played,
What more could i feel,
If you were in my shoes,
How would you be able to stand,
When that dream of yours,
It was being shared together,
But when it comes to this,
I have been left and stranded in an island,
As i struggle so hard,
For how many years i couldn't remember,
Making my way out of the very place,
And reaching the very same dream,
Although i had to start all over again.

I would have been angry,
To them who left me there,
But my time is too occupied with my own dream,
All i know i want to start all over again,
Fight all the way though alone,
My sleep, my hobbies,
Seem to fade little by little,
What did i know about it then,
When i realize i shouldn't have left it all,
Things to let go and things to hold onto,
Is not a forever in this world,
I have learn that before but forgotten about it,
Due the hurt and the faces that once turn their backs on me,
I was blinded by what i use to believe,
That very night alone,
Before i lose everything,
I happen to remember almost everything,
And start to smile and laugh again,
On my way to the top of my dream.

My dreams is not the only thing that i hold,
Behind it i hold upon a thousand smiles,
Seeking their forgiveness all the while,
Paying all their waiting,
I wanted to do much about my dream,
I forget about what downhill that occurs to me,
Passes the faces that time with a smile,
Just walk away and preparing my own battle,
No longer i feel lonely,
No longer i'm scared,
Cause the reason for this one dream,
Is about my everything and the very same reason i'm being thick headed,
Even if it just lies thousand smiles,
To me it holds the greatest treasures,
For richer that i am with their love and support.

Same old nights.

Randomly,
My hand moves on its own,
Writing on air,
About what's hidden within my heart,
All and just about everything,
It was so simple and invisible,
But yet i could still see the traces of every word,
Cause no matter what days it has been,
I still be able to write the same thing over and over again.

This simple words that one usually says,
The one that i gave to those who needed it,
About strength, love and life,
It was the one that i often read and see on drama or novel,
Are truly meaningful when they needed me to say it,
But when i try to mend my heart with those same console,
I happen to fall deep and exhausting,
When it appears how tiring it was,
Doing almost everything when i needed someone.

Again tonight,
I happen to write the same things over and over again,
Sighing about the same matters that pains me,
It's lonely and tiring,
Painful and just painful everyday,
I prayed every night for a little mercy,
Asking for happiness one day that i hope,
Staring and just keep on staring,
Till the moment my eyelid close by itself,
I happen to dream being here with someone that i need.

Letter to Daisy

Pardon me for being so far away,
Not that i ignore your plead of silence,
The words that you say to me,
The message that you sent me,
To the point you wanted to feel the presence of me,
You ask for the scent of me to exist,
It was not because i am heartless making you wait,
Making you suffer,
Try as i might to be there,
Back at your side,
But dear,
There are times i could not come closer to you,
Nor giving you the warmth and protection that you seek,
As i was so far away,
When i could only hear and read,
Listen to your heart content,
Heal it with only the warmth of my heart,
Hoping that with only that,
You could sleep tight at night,
Without nightmares but smile on your face.

The place that i go to,
Sometimes tires me out,
The fact i want to come back to your side,
Is a battle that i have to win,
It gets lonely sometimes, my love,
But i could not tell you what i have been through,
Not a single story that i could share,
Unless it's the one that will bring a smile upon your face,
Running, walking and just laying down,
Sometimes too exhausted for my own,
Distance and the counting of days,
I have lost track of them,
But no matter where i am, my sweet,
I would always know your story,
This heart of mine would always tell me,
How you have been doing,
And believe me, my love,
I know what you're trying to tell me,
As i told you first,
About the things that you wanted and needed to hear.

Even years have separates us,
I have come back again and be by your side,
To wipe your tears and share your joy,
The promises that you thought was broken,
I hold onto it no matter what the cause,
The tantrums that you made while i was away,
Healed as i embrace the pain that you have suffer,
Protecting you once again with all my warmth,
'Don't cry anymore my dear',
As i whisper to your ear,
But i laugh when you couldn't stop your tears from this word of mine,
It's peaceful here with you in my arms,
Until to what may comes in the future,
Asking us to be so strong and faithful to each other,
Loving more and more,
Falling in love just like the first time each and everyday,
We both stare into the nights,
As we wonder,
The lasting and the ending of our chapter.

P/S : Dedicated to my other blog which have reach 200th post. I know i'm exaggerating but the meaning behind it is something else. Have a great day everyone. :)

D's Chronicles

Knowing that it will be hard,
Understanding the reason behind it,
The hardness that i have to go through,
I could only pray,
For a stronger heart,
A full-metal heart,
As i toughen myself up,
Keeping it low as possible,
When the time i have decided,
To erase the things that were always with me,
Those burdens and feelings that i want to ignore,
Cause i have decided now and then,
That i will move on and forget about you.

Although the words of us breaking apart,
It seem as though we never do break,
For we keep on seeing,
Finding each other,
And you are always there whenever i needed someone,
But the confusion that were brought upon,
Questions on the whereabouts of you in my heart,
Seems like a burden that i could not take,
As i dig onto your feelings,
Wanting some assurance on your side,
When the answers that i have from you,
Is always a heartbreaking one,
Just then and then,
I told myself,
To disappear bits by bits,
Without any words nor anything,
I hold onto your answer and left you in silence.

It's hard to keep walking,
Running is not an option,
I sure do know that i will face is hard,
Cry as i might,
Misery and pain i would be feeling,
But i sure know it now,
The mending process of how long it took,
Never judge the year that i have gone,
Cause each and every pain,
Comes a different years to heal,
I may come back with a still wounded and bleeding heart,
But i have heal the others,
And maybe i come back,
With scars that could be bleed or reminder,
Who knows what will happen then,
I wish for happiness in my life as always,
And that happiness is such further away,
But still,
I do believe in it.

Something that was always there,
Now it's gone,
Dear this heart of mine,
Move on and be strong,
For i need another part of myself,
For other people who cares about me,
Fight their battle along with them,
Lend them this strength of mine when they needed it,
I force myself hard to be there for them,
Cause this feeling of wanting to protect my happiness is always there,
Doesn't matter if my battle were forgotten,
But i have come this far,
The life that i want to appreciate,
I am thankful in every way,
Cause the history of my life,
Is yet to be begins again,
As i open my eye to face another and another.

The changes in the world,
That my eye witness,
Yearning about every little memories that once there,
Now gone over the time as it disappear,
I still want to hold onto the precious memories,
Though some have died in my memories that i treasure,
I will always want to remember the very same thing,
Missing them more and more,
Feelings to meet them in my memories are burning,
Older i have become,
I still want to lock it tightly as my treasure,
I am the legendary pirate myself,
Keeping and robbing whatever i had effected on theirs,
For that one day we meet,
May we laugh about the same thing,
And cry for the lost one that i was late to return to.

Longing to love and be loved,
To be remembered and cared,
Protected and trusting,
A happy tale that i always listen to,
Fear as i may,
Cause life,
Not everything is perfect,
They always says that,
I thought about the people itself,
But it was about everything,
How it is fine for the imperfection and unbalance,
The matter of taking and understanding it is a question,
O life that i lead,
I have found those in my path,
Answers that are question as i walked or run,
I seem to be satisfied in all,
But now have come another question,
The one that accepted and be my pair,
Is who?, is the question that seems to let me down...

Battle of loyalty

Like the times that we shared,
The mistake that i have done,
I can hear my past being told,
But not my story that they talk,
Their very own life,
What they face,
Similar to what i had,
As i shook my head and sigh,
The turning of life,
Can sometimes be connected,
Like a teacher that i am,
Leading and be their shoulder to cry on.

So much for the keeping my heart strong,
Fighting ever so hard alone,
Struggling to keep on smiling and laughing,
When night comes,
Sometimes tears and the yearning heart seems to be torturing,
But when the dawn breaks,
I would wish it would only be night,
So i don't have to open my eye,
Seeing the image and memories of you when i'm awake,
The finger that once pointed at you were pointed at me,
Ever so fiercely,
That when i hear the story of ours but about them being told,
I was pierced through and through,
As i see myself in the very same path that they are,
The scar that i left upon myself,
I got up and told them my famous lie,
The famous story that none can see,
For they have forgotten to ask who it may be,
As i give them their strength back,
To fight the very last battle of loyalty.

Turn of Life

The turning of life,

Somehow chase no matter where i go,

I don't know if it is heartbreaking ending,

But so far,

I fought until the very end,

No matter how i felt like giving up.

Or just simply run,

Like a rebellious teenage that i am,

My leg just froze to broken place,

As i face countless times of war,

Of tears and anger,

So many wishes that i make,

Asking to stop,to end and to take my life away,

But all the more i still believe in happiness that i see,

That i believe,

For that no matter whose life i'm leading,

I know i am not alone,

Cause a simple prayer that my parent taught me,

5 times a day,

Have never i forgotten to obey,

And to The Almighty,

I turn myself to,

And to The Almighty,

I ask forgiveness and love.

Unspoken Road

This is the road that i once took,
After a long journey i have come back,
The last time i took on this road,
It was the colour of nature,
Sound of enjoyment,
Full of appreciation,
The trees that is all i see,
Stream along the path,
So beautiful and cheerful at the same,
Ah, belle,
From the ground that keep my feet walking,
To the blue sky and just bright,
Fascinate with everything around me,
While i discover more and more,
Deep further where the road leads me,
Slowly,
Just slowly it started to change,
Bits by bits,
When i finally i realize,
I miss the starting of the road that i walked on,
And as i was heading back there again,
The road started to change,
No greetings from the nature,
No warmth that i felt,
A barren road,
But the instinct that told me,
It has been the same road that i have taken before,
When i finally found the starting point,
Only that little space,
Being preserved by my own heart,
The only thing that i remember,
As i stand here and wonder,
What did happen to the road that i once treasure,
When it has become like this,
If the road could speak,
I would like to hear the rest of the story,
Of what happen,
For the years that i was lost.

Home

It is not a place that they own,
But their heart seem to fall upon the surrounding,
And so they call it home,
No matter how far they go,
To breathe a new air and fresher,
The mind still lingers,
The place where they call it home,
Like a tattoo it is,
Printed in their heart and mind,
This is their place,
Their place alone,
For them to come back home.

I envy them for having a home,
Forever going back to the place they love the most,
This mutual feeling that i had,
Like an empty shell,
Without a soul nor heart,
I wonders as far as i can go,
Not knowing when to come back home,
For i haven't found it yet,
Lost i am,
Like them,
A homeless person i am,
Wondering so much that my leg swollen,
Bruises, bloody and shattered heart,
Just like a stray cat,
I look at those who smile ever happily,
Talking about the home they love most,
This envy within me,
I can only keep on walking.

D's Heart Matter

Sometimes i answer the question of my own,
No matter how difficult it can get,
The struggle that i have to face,
The frown that have leaves wrinkles behind,
Headaches, pimples and such appetite,
I tend to answer it bit by bits,
No matter how long i may take,
To whom i may be talking to,
To what i have been listening to,
Never did i fail to answer the very same question,
Over the heart that yearning to be belong,
By whom do i choose,
To whom shall i believe and trust,
The fate that kept me thinking,
About the other half of me that got people questioning,
Can i still control every parts of me,
For when that day does come,
Will i still be able to close my own heart,
Not wanting to let anyone own it,
Even at this time,
The longer i kept it in dark,
The colder it felt,
Like the emptiness is just nothing,
Like part of my life,
It is what i own but it is not meant to be,
Thus dear heart of mine,
Do i really want the other half of me to own my heart,
Look only me where i hope to be,
Accepting bits and every past of me openly,
No questioning more and more,
Even the truth does split out,
The other half of me,
Would still look at me,
With the heart, the love, the protection that capture my own,
I have answer this all the time,
But i still wonders about who,
Who might be the king to my heart,
The palace that were not so big,
Only based on dreams and hope,
With only that,
I wonder,
Someone whom i have said,
Would he be one day,
Lead me the way that i needed to be,
Can always love me in life till death,
It does come to that far,
Dear heart of mine and dear heart of mine,
Can i still open my heart when that one day has come?

Her Happiness.

You could say i have amnesia,
Not because of the sickness or what you see on TV,
For something that was years ago,
Or just a couple of hours ago,
Some wonders,
Why is it i'm unable to remember,
Such a happy one and not to mention the painful ones,
Not a flashback come upon me,
Nor image that i could remember,
As you told me what made you smile,
When i look at you blankly,
Wishing i could remember it too,
For when you smile like that,
I was wondering,
Why is it i forgot,
The things that made you smile.

That part of the lost i still search for,
Wanting to remember what is it that i did for you,
Talk about the trees that we plant together,
Has grown ever so big,
Even have fruit and flowers in that precious place,
Then about the little event that i made for you,
I still wonder,
Why is it i'm unable to remember those very bits,
Looking at you smile ever so happily,
But at the same time those sad eye that i see when you look at me,
Both of us wishing i would remember the same,
I was sadden by my very own memories,
For betraying me and blocking it,
Curse as i may,
When i knew there was a time,
My very own self are trying to protect me,
But this moment,
Just like you,
I too want to smile at the memories that made you happy.

Bits of Pictures

As old as it may seem,
It comes a whole lot different story,
Some i would want to share with the next generation,
And a little part of it,
Just between me and him is enough,
But there are some,
Let fire burns the memory that i want to erase,
Although so,
The past is still something that lies within me,
Deny it as i may,
The talks and all the more,
Can still bleed the old wounds,
With your own word i kept,
'Protecting me from everything' you say,
Is what lead you to me.

Sure it does tell a lot story,
What happen in between it,
The eyes can talk a lot,
Even still picture you see,
I might as well make it a book of my own,
But it stopped,
Ain't no more my face that you might see,
Behind the camera itself is me,
As people ask the reason for my missing,
Starting the day i ruin my past,
My life ends at the age of 20,
I kept myself in the dark,
Mourning for my mistake,
Indeed until now,
I'm unable to tell the very own secret.

Missing and wishing is the only thing we manage to do,
What comes after that,
Were only pure memories that makes us believe,
Just for the precious moment to be play again and again,
More and more,
It makes us smile,
And still the time cruelly just ticks away.

Pause

More like a drama,
There's life that live,
Involves almost everything,
It was being summarize in novels and drama,
But as usual,
There's always more to that,
Even for the sake of chasing happiness.

Likewise,
Trying to write the story of my life,
Like how they sung their own eyes,
How the mind and heart talk together,
Gaining thousands of answer, reasons and question,
In the end,
Just in the end.

I'll be likely wanting to say more,
When i do speak,
Somehow it sounds like a bluff or just another empty talk,
I don't ask for it though hunger of it,
As usual that is,
What is written,
Reading the meaning seems to be harder,
So does saying it,
After all,
It's just me,
Me and my book.

Written by the Unknown

Written by the unknown,
So anonymous that people didn't see,
Nor even notice the message within,
No beauty to attract the eye,
Or charm that will lead them to this,
But it was there all along,
Written by the unknown.

Written by the unknown,
Talk so much about the life,
The hardness and pain,
Misery life this unknown were in,
For it never stated about the joy and happiness,
Everyone starts to wonder,
Why is it that it was so tragic,
They have forgotten of course,
But it was written,
Written by the unknown.

Written by the unknown,
The question pops and keep on popping,
About the right and the name of the unknown,
So good to be true to stumble upon the page,
Read another and just another,
Until the date start to stop at certain point,
Weeks, months and years,
No more new post can be seen,
Dear the unknown,
The first response finally arrive,
To the unknown for more of the forgotten,
Only unknown knows it all,
Cause it was written,
Written by the unknown.

Written by the unknown,
A silent fame start to arose,
As they question about the name and the unknown,
It was published and became a treasure hunt,
Hunting for the unknown to step out,
But it was so quite on the other side of the wall,
As the unknown starts to write more about life,
Silently in the art that the unknown wrote,
Become like more to reality itself,
Still humble and it's still unknown,
But people starts to read it,
The art that was written,
Written by the unknown.

My honour

When you point your finger toward me,
I'll break it and teach you about manners,
You're older than me?
So what,
Being at that age should have known better,
Unless you take the shortcuts to be able to smile ever so disgustingly.

Afraid? Fear?
To whom?
To you who only gain powers?
Put your head down,
Cause in everywhere you go,
There it shows,
Written all the sins that you have done,
That power you're holding,
Are only the money that is backing everything,
That piece of paper can never but my honour.

A poor that i am,
Suffering from the development,
But then i am forever thankful,
Heart made of iron,
In facing the everyday challenge,
I'll keep on saying it,
Saying that over and over again,
Proudly,
No matter you flung a big pile of money in front of me,
I still smile widely while refusing it,
As there you are,
Acting like a beggar,
Begging for my attention.

Life from the lonely heart

Waiting is very painful,
A process that endures so many of them,
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years,
It didn't seem to have an ends,
I could give up right now,
But what happen to my believe?,
The wishes i make every night,
The prayers that i say in my every prayer,
It is not in my nature to let things go,
What more to say,
It is the reason why i still want to live,
Due to the simple one,
I tend to appreciate it more and more.

That day,
Seems like yesterday for me,
The unchanging chore of what i do,
More and more question pops out,
Just when i was about to finish answering it all,
The next day,
I seem to keep on doing just that,
An exchange of conversation,
Within me and the heart i own,
Sighing over when it got complicated,
Another thought crosses my mind,
It would be nice,
If there really is someone for me to talk to.

Yet,
They always say,
What we want we can never have,
I told a friend all about it,
When she complain about the phrase that we always hear too,
'Just go with the flow, it will make life easier',
Thats what they say,
And how we both see it,
We were wondering if we will break that phrase,
When it is never easy when it comes to life itself,
As i told her when the question of being the black sheep in the lots,
"It's a trial and error do,
The will determine the impossible,
As we keep changing answer and direction from time to time,
It is unstable,
Just like treasure hunt it is,"
Yesterday, today and tomorrow,
It is a mystery without the science included.

Reality

Must everything end like a fairy tale,
For someone ever so romantic like me,
Also knows the truth,
We dream of the beautiful thing in life,
Believe in happily forever after,
As we keep on dreaming until the end,
We forgot that evil do exist,
In term of good that comes,
Evil will always exist,
Luring them and fallen,
Either worshiping the devil,
Or be their errand-boy,
And the life that we see so beautiful in a dream land,
Seems to be shattering,
Including the trust that you believe,
But even so,
Very little of them manage to hold onto it,
Yearning for it to come true,
No matter the whisper word or temptation comes,
The greatest challenge that calls,
In the end,
The life that they wanted to see,
Just like the fairy tale and novels that they read.

A little bit more.

Small steps and a little bit more,
Feels like forever to reach to the top,
Helpless for a moment,
The thought of giving up is terrifying,
For it's a long way down there,
It would be a miracle,
If i still be able to stand proudly on both feet,
When it hurt so much that i wish to disappear.

Even so,
The forever broken promises,
Betrayal and mocking,
I still move forward,
Dragging the heavy feet,
Holding onto the very thin rope,
Trying to keep myself stable in every move i make,
I won't stop,
Though everyone gave up upon me.

I'm fine,
With all those sweet words,
The sharper than knife words,
This ears won't even listen to what you are trying to say,
In you i have given up my trust,
For a tiny happiness that i try to expand,
In the mean time,
No more of coaxing word that may be heard from me,
As i make my own way to the road of my happiness..

Devil in me

Feelings like this,
Never should exist in the heart of my own,
Talking about what i deserve and not,
So much sacrifice that i'm making,
For the things that are not mine,
Then why is it i have been given this when it troubles me,
I keep denying it,
And forever sharing my luck with others,
As my greeds tried so hard to take control,
I fight with every will i have,
Just to know my own place.

I could always tell the truth,
Sets myself free than any other birds in the sky,
But what good does it bring to others,
The one mistake that i did,
Let it be me to suffer,
For the decision and my betrayal towards them,
Silently i'm making it into a deadly nuclear weapon,
That is why i can never tell,
What might be the most i regret and the one sets me free,
It would be the death of those who hear it.

I keep my head down,
The next time i won't talk that much,
Nor boast about my own success,
Cause the fear over my ownself,
Have become the reason i hide myself,
Too afraid to show what might come for me,
Even a pinch of my shadow might become a virus,
Hear me well but not from my mouth,
See me well but not from my outside,
Let this clicking message that i'm doing,
Be my words of truth and be my everything for you to know.

Season Change

They talk about winter on the other country,
While here i am wishing to talk about it also,
When the snow falls and how thick it can get,
The blizzards of white that washed away a town,
Like a pillow or mattress,
But so fragile that it crush,
How it smell so different when it does falls,
And within that only i could hold your hand,
To keep it warm.

What beautiful may come,
When the chirping bird sings loudly,
Calling to the people walk by,
To just look around them,
Colourful flowers and the smell of wood,
Signing the come of spring,
For every flower that blooms,
I just happen to remember,
The way you compare me with the flower around me,
As i laugh when i told you,
" That old trick never did fade away from your lips".

Heat starts to increase,
Knowing that the sun has finally show itself,
The mighty power it held within,
Unlike the past seasons that we went trough,
So many more challenge that we fight,
Not the warmth can heal the heart,
Just like the season itself,
The continuous of needing water and searching for coldness,
One small mistake that we make,
Will eventually lead to seperation,
When i told you countless times,
About the heart that always belong to you,
And be the shadow to your every place that you are.

Just like the falling leaves,
Our problem seems to be just like it,
Falling slowly one by one,
Comes the autumn that we love,
As we watch and turn to look back what we left behind,
The wood give out it's last scent,
No flower could be compare to,
For your tongue to twirl,
But the yellowish and almost brown leaves that we see,
Each has it's own tone,
When slowly the coldness crept onto the skin,
As you hold my hand again,
But this time with a kiss on the palm.

The Hand Hurts More

The hidden letter that was written,
Meant to be send when you are old enough,
To understand and be able to accept it,
Thus my dear sweet child,
This trembling hand writes to you,
Just a little bit of the story that goes,
Truth were meant to set free,
And a promise that i kept to myself,
But soon to be forgotten by a faulty memory of mine,
Or just merely due to the reason why i have ever become lonely,
When you decided to walk away,
Just away from the very small family that you had,
Though they say blood is thicker than water,
Some have forgotten about the scars that you carry on,
Only me who can heal it,
And only me the antidote of the sickness that you had,
Hear me my dearie,
That past of yours,
I'll answer it all.

After all the hardship that i have been through,
There you were,
Born just like any other babies in the world,
The wailing that you make,
Gave me a smile and happiness around my heart,
Those tiny finger that wraps my own,
Felt so warm as i hold you within,
When i can feel my tears flowing down onto my cheek,
As i kiss your forehead and thanking you for coming to me,
Years pass by as you were 4 years old,
Finally starting to understand what i'm saying,
Where you talk back at me,
And there's no more of goo goo, ga ga,
Even so,
You started to get hit a lot,
Grounded, yelled and mostly spanking,
As my heart ache over and over again,
Wishing that you understand,
When i know none of my word can reach you yet,
Due to that very own,
The distance that you're creating,
Tears me apart,
No longer can i hugged and kiss you on the cheek,
When the older you get,
The blame and hatred that i have from you,
Somehow becomes the very own poison that i receive from you,
Each sins that i made,
While trying to teach you about the good in life,
Besides protecting your own life from the evil that might hurt you,
From the pressure that i get from the surroundings,
I sighed tiredly,
Unable to stopped you from leaving the house,
When i forget to tell you my reason for hurting you,
Ruining your childhood that you assume,
I watched you go so coldly,
Still prays for your safety and success no matter you go,
Cause dear my sweet child,
The hand that hurt you while you were growing up,
Hurts so much more than the scars that you carry,
Though no bruises that you see...
So long my dearie.

O Dear D

Where was i when the memories are so fresh,

Their conversation and topics,

Somehow got me wondering,

As i gaze out in the dark night,

Wishing and hoping that i might get answer,

For i never knew about it all,

But they talked about it like i was there.

For what seems like years to me,

It was like yesterday to them,

The places that they go,

Also the absent of my presence,

How tiny can i be in their world,

Seldom i doubt that i even exist through their eye,

For then never did notice what is missing when i told them so.

A little part of my life i hold the most,

When no one have anyone to talked to,

As they vent their frustration toward me,

A listener that i am,

Bringing 1001 stories and secret,

While i seek for my own place of comfort,

Sadly when it turns out,

Only the solitary night has worth waiting for me.

This own stupidity i would blame,

The one sided love that i have for them,

Seems rather a shaky bridge,

O heart, o heart,

How is it you still can make it so strong,

When the flood in your own,

The broken wood and rotten rope that hold it,

As you smile ever so forgivingly,

When the next day do come.

O dear D, dear D,

Yet you know the truth and the story,

This much sacrifice that you already did,

Your happiness that i ask,

And wish for the heart that is so fragile,

When i should tell you to cry,

But i am forever yearn off the happiness that you picture,

Cause it was so pure although what you had is tainted.

Scent and Perfume

His very own,
Very own smell,
The scent of wildness,
Woods, grass, wild flower,
Just the scent of nature in him,
And it is mine to know,
Mine to notice,
And mine to hold,
For only him I open my heart too.

Her very own,
The same one when i first met her,
No actress she is,
But her perfume,
Drawn me more into her,
Though there are others that bought the same,
Nothing can compare what that smell of hers taste,
Just like her very own personality,
Unpredictable but sweet,
Wild but a heart of gold,
Just the scent of wildness in her,
And it is mine to know,
Mine to notice,
And mine to hold,
For she would only tell,
Her very own secrets to my ear.

Her Pleading Heart

Since it have come to this,
Then i shall make my entrance,
For i live a perfect tale to tell,
A story that lots would repeat,
Though not so idiotically,
But very much near to the place that i have been.

Never did anyone dare to ask,
Not that i feel burden by it,
But what shall i answer?,
For the truth they add another lie,
When it has become my biography,
They dare to make it a fairy tale,
No princess that i am though i wish,
But here i am,
Still glad that i am just an ordinary lady.

My prayers is not what i gave up,
I keep asking,
Whining,
Complaining,
For none would be by my side,
Beside question my intention,
They have made up their own answer,
When i was astounded by the remark,
Cause there are times,
The feeling pain and lonely seems getting stronger from them.

Oh my true one,
My love and the one that i have wait for,
I am not Juliet nor you Romeo,
But i see as my warrior,
My saviour,
When you hold out your hand to me,
The me that you do not know,
The past that i have kept,
So truthful i fall for you,
But no,
I have to let you down.

No bell that rings my heart,
No festival that i shall celebrate,
Though there are times that i was tortured,
Revealing my truth will never be sweet,
When shall i ever forgive myself,
For i keep asking for more punishment,
Then cry a dry tear,
While i see you from far,
Somehow that one word from you that i hope,
And will always be hoping,
That one day i can grasp my happiness.