It's art

It's art,
The life that i had lead,
Happiness, sadness, tears, joy,
Regret, pain, heartbreak and all,
So much more to see,
More to explore,
About the creator and everything,
It's art,
A beautiful art,
On the day that i was born,
Until the day i close my eyes.

It's art,
Painted in so much more the colours could handle,
Brushes that were used,
Often replace in each and every step that we took,
Canvas as wide as the sky,
Still painting no matter what the time is,
On the eyes that are watching and understanding,
It's art,
A mysterious art,
On the day that i was born,
Until the day i close my eyes.

It's art,
No matter how rough the surface is,
Or the sudden leaves that were printed there,
Even and tiny dot on a white canvas,
It is still what it is,
A mark upon the life that we lead,
More and more tools to be used,
As a protection, loyalty, trusting and love,
Some simple feeling that could not be seen,
As the hand touch it and feel all the more,
It's art,
A touching art,
On the day that i was born,
Until the day i close my eyes.

It's art,
The interpretation of life,
Understanding what is hidden in between,
Remembering and cherishing,
Forgiving and forgetting,
Even the colourful canvas could be turn into white,
Slowly as we go and move on,
Loving and never stops caring,
What i see and what you see,
Is ever so beautiful,
To the eye that colour their work in white,
It's art,
A complicated art,
On the day that i was born,
Until the day i close my eyes.

Be my answer.

Being alone is what lead me to this,
Unable to depend on other people,
No matter what i have face,
I face it head on although fear is stealing my courage,
But still i use every of my strength and even weakness,
To fight and just keep on fighting,
For the answers that i need,
Lies somehow along the way.

I'm someone who are curious in every way,
This popping question comes to me,
In every step,
Every destination i go,
Unable to run away,
Hints and clues i'm unable to miss,
Disturbing my nights and my mind,
To the day i become so anxious to what i may found,
In the future without a fortune teller to rely on.

Be it a simple question that i ask,
A minute that i could no longer wait for answers,
Every bits of my patience is melting like the fallen icebergs,
For you are the one that i have chosen,
Expecting to have the answers to my every question,
Which is why my heart chose you,
Cause my instinct told me,
You hold the key to my every question that needed answers.

To the girl that i knew

Smile for me,

My beautiful you,

The look on your face has faded for so long,

I could not touch you nor hold you so close,

The endless mask that you wear,

Someday i would hope to see you bloom again.

Smile for me,

My little angel,

So wounded now i didn't see it coming,

The story behind it i still have yet to discover,

Grudge, hatred and pain was all there to tell,

No longer i could warm you enough,

One day i hope to be in your favourite season, autumn.

Smile for me,

My darling you,

The fear that you felt becomes your greatest wall,

So high that i could not see the other side,

Innocence, trust, honesty and love that you once have,

Hidden at the smallest part of the puzzle that i could not see,

I could not crawl onto your heart again,

As every day i pray for your freedom.

Smile for me,

My girl that i knew,

You are ever so beautiful in my eye though the learning is tough,

Your past that you have forgive and forget,

I could finally embrace you in my warmth,

Shields you when you break free,

Now that i see it in your face once more,

The ever so bright that shuns upon the everywhere we go,

When you learn to lean on me,

As every breath that i take,

I would keep holding onto this hand.

Anonymous Sinner

An unspoken apologize,
Unknowingly what was the fault,
Silently i gave myself to surrender,
Against my own nature,
I sacrifice the way i live so far,
Such sins that was untold,
A secret that i have kept so long,
Who would have thought i have come this far,
Sometimes i thought of confessing,
But then will they be able to forgive me,
This is my only way to ask for forgiveness,
Unknowingly,
They thought i have change.

Yesterday's sin that i want to forget,
Bury so deep in my own Pandora's box,
Untouchable and cannot be open,
Ever since the regret that i have felt,
The tears that i will give upon them,
Silently,
Just ever so secretly,
I kept asking for forgiveness,
They didn't know,
The reason i try so hard to take care of them,
Be good to them,
Obeyed them like a faithful daughter,
That was just my other half of the story,
I wonder what will happen when the learn,
About the past that i'm trying to keep.

All the cleaning,
The hardworking,
I devoted myself to them,
Making them happy are my priority,
Letting them unhurt,
Be their shoulders of everything that needed,
I am there for them,
For how long i have live my life like this,
I seem to forget when was the last time,
I thought of being selfish,
It wasn't enough,
The fear that they won't forgive me,
It haunts me to the very day,
Nights of terror in my own sleep,
My own bed,
My own diary,
The pain that i felt throughout this ordeal,
Is nothing to what my sins will do to them,
Forgiveness that i keep on asking,
But unknowingly,
And anonymously.

On days like this

If i were to fall,
Who would do the job,
Small matter it is,
But where is my fighting will?
I have come this far to be taken down by my health,
Not that i forgotten about myself,
I have tried as much as everyone else,
Often i see others in front of me,
More painful and tiring than me,
Thus i challenge myself to that one point,
The part where i have forgotten i have my limit,
No matter how i overcome it,
I seem to sunk deeper into this illness,
Even so,
If i didn't tell myself to get up,
Who would replace me and remember me.

Headache, dizziness, the cold and the coughing,
My hand keep on working,
Doing the same old routine,
Acting like it was nothing,
Heavy as it gets,
I avoided taking medicine,
Fearing i slept throughout the whole day,
What could have happen to them,
If this is about money,
I would have taken the pills,
But this is something else,
A burden that i always thought i am,
Trying to get away from the title matters to me,
As i keep standing still,
Smiling ever so healthy,
Acting i can handle this and ask for more.

Here i am,
Due to my own stubborn and pride,
My own 'title' that i was trying to get rid,
Alas,
I'm on this very bed of mine,
Staring into the ceiling,
Whispering the name who would hear me out,
Holding my hand onto air,
Wishing someone did hold onto it,
Head feels heavy i could no longer hold it,
My eyes slowing closing my vision,
As i had my nights,
So empty and cold,
Shivering and painful,
With hopes but the knowing,
Is even hurtful than the state i'm in.

Behind my dream.

It was taken lightly,
By the people i trust and would never betray,
But here's the reply,
Of all the years and the plan,
I have been cheated and played,
What more could i feel,
If you were in my shoes,
How would you be able to stand,
When that dream of yours,
It was being shared together,
But when it comes to this,
I have been left and stranded in an island,
As i struggle so hard,
For how many years i couldn't remember,
Making my way out of the very place,
And reaching the very same dream,
Although i had to start all over again.

I would have been angry,
To them who left me there,
But my time is too occupied with my own dream,
All i know i want to start all over again,
Fight all the way though alone,
My sleep, my hobbies,
Seem to fade little by little,
What did i know about it then,
When i realize i shouldn't have left it all,
Things to let go and things to hold onto,
Is not a forever in this world,
I have learn that before but forgotten about it,
Due the hurt and the faces that once turn their backs on me,
I was blinded by what i use to believe,
That very night alone,
Before i lose everything,
I happen to remember almost everything,
And start to smile and laugh again,
On my way to the top of my dream.

My dreams is not the only thing that i hold,
Behind it i hold upon a thousand smiles,
Seeking their forgiveness all the while,
Paying all their waiting,
I wanted to do much about my dream,
I forget about what downhill that occurs to me,
Passes the faces that time with a smile,
Just walk away and preparing my own battle,
No longer i feel lonely,
No longer i'm scared,
Cause the reason for this one dream,
Is about my everything and the very same reason i'm being thick headed,
Even if it just lies thousand smiles,
To me it holds the greatest treasures,
For richer that i am with their love and support.

Same old nights.

Randomly,
My hand moves on its own,
Writing on air,
About what's hidden within my heart,
All and just about everything,
It was so simple and invisible,
But yet i could still see the traces of every word,
Cause no matter what days it has been,
I still be able to write the same thing over and over again.

This simple words that one usually says,
The one that i gave to those who needed it,
About strength, love and life,
It was the one that i often read and see on drama or novel,
Are truly meaningful when they needed me to say it,
But when i try to mend my heart with those same console,
I happen to fall deep and exhausting,
When it appears how tiring it was,
Doing almost everything when i needed someone.

Again tonight,
I happen to write the same things over and over again,
Sighing about the same matters that pains me,
It's lonely and tiring,
Painful and just painful everyday,
I prayed every night for a little mercy,
Asking for happiness one day that i hope,
Staring and just keep on staring,
Till the moment my eyelid close by itself,
I happen to dream being here with someone that i need.

Letter to Daisy

Pardon me for being so far away,
Not that i ignore your plead of silence,
The words that you say to me,
The message that you sent me,
To the point you wanted to feel the presence of me,
You ask for the scent of me to exist,
It was not because i am heartless making you wait,
Making you suffer,
Try as i might to be there,
Back at your side,
But dear,
There are times i could not come closer to you,
Nor giving you the warmth and protection that you seek,
As i was so far away,
When i could only hear and read,
Listen to your heart content,
Heal it with only the warmth of my heart,
Hoping that with only that,
You could sleep tight at night,
Without nightmares but smile on your face.

The place that i go to,
Sometimes tires me out,
The fact i want to come back to your side,
Is a battle that i have to win,
It gets lonely sometimes, my love,
But i could not tell you what i have been through,
Not a single story that i could share,
Unless it's the one that will bring a smile upon your face,
Running, walking and just laying down,
Sometimes too exhausted for my own,
Distance and the counting of days,
I have lost track of them,
But no matter where i am, my sweet,
I would always know your story,
This heart of mine would always tell me,
How you have been doing,
And believe me, my love,
I know what you're trying to tell me,
As i told you first,
About the things that you wanted and needed to hear.

Even years have separates us,
I have come back again and be by your side,
To wipe your tears and share your joy,
The promises that you thought was broken,
I hold onto it no matter what the cause,
The tantrums that you made while i was away,
Healed as i embrace the pain that you have suffer,
Protecting you once again with all my warmth,
'Don't cry anymore my dear',
As i whisper to your ear,
But i laugh when you couldn't stop your tears from this word of mine,
It's peaceful here with you in my arms,
Until to what may comes in the future,
Asking us to be so strong and faithful to each other,
Loving more and more,
Falling in love just like the first time each and everyday,
We both stare into the nights,
As we wonder,
The lasting and the ending of our chapter.

P/S : Dedicated to my other blog which have reach 200th post. I know i'm exaggerating but the meaning behind it is something else. Have a great day everyone. :)

D's Chronicles

Knowing that it will be hard,
Understanding the reason behind it,
The hardness that i have to go through,
I could only pray,
For a stronger heart,
A full-metal heart,
As i toughen myself up,
Keeping it low as possible,
When the time i have decided,
To erase the things that were always with me,
Those burdens and feelings that i want to ignore,
Cause i have decided now and then,
That i will move on and forget about you.

Although the words of us breaking apart,
It seem as though we never do break,
For we keep on seeing,
Finding each other,
And you are always there whenever i needed someone,
But the confusion that were brought upon,
Questions on the whereabouts of you in my heart,
Seems like a burden that i could not take,
As i dig onto your feelings,
Wanting some assurance on your side,
When the answers that i have from you,
Is always a heartbreaking one,
Just then and then,
I told myself,
To disappear bits by bits,
Without any words nor anything,
I hold onto your answer and left you in silence.

It's hard to keep walking,
Running is not an option,
I sure do know that i will face is hard,
Cry as i might,
Misery and pain i would be feeling,
But i sure know it now,
The mending process of how long it took,
Never judge the year that i have gone,
Cause each and every pain,
Comes a different years to heal,
I may come back with a still wounded and bleeding heart,
But i have heal the others,
And maybe i come back,
With scars that could be bleed or reminder,
Who knows what will happen then,
I wish for happiness in my life as always,
And that happiness is such further away,
But still,
I do believe in it.

Something that was always there,
Now it's gone,
Dear this heart of mine,
Move on and be strong,
For i need another part of myself,
For other people who cares about me,
Fight their battle along with them,
Lend them this strength of mine when they needed it,
I force myself hard to be there for them,
Cause this feeling of wanting to protect my happiness is always there,
Doesn't matter if my battle were forgotten,
But i have come this far,
The life that i want to appreciate,
I am thankful in every way,
Cause the history of my life,
Is yet to be begins again,
As i open my eye to face another and another.

The changes in the world,
That my eye witness,
Yearning about every little memories that once there,
Now gone over the time as it disappear,
I still want to hold onto the precious memories,
Though some have died in my memories that i treasure,
I will always want to remember the very same thing,
Missing them more and more,
Feelings to meet them in my memories are burning,
Older i have become,
I still want to lock it tightly as my treasure,
I am the legendary pirate myself,
Keeping and robbing whatever i had effected on theirs,
For that one day we meet,
May we laugh about the same thing,
And cry for the lost one that i was late to return to.

Longing to love and be loved,
To be remembered and cared,
Protected and trusting,
A happy tale that i always listen to,
Fear as i may,
Cause life,
Not everything is perfect,
They always says that,
I thought about the people itself,
But it was about everything,
How it is fine for the imperfection and unbalance,
The matter of taking and understanding it is a question,
O life that i lead,
I have found those in my path,
Answers that are question as i walked or run,
I seem to be satisfied in all,
But now have come another question,
The one that accepted and be my pair,
Is who?, is the question that seems to let me down...