Temper of Mine

If i could held onto my anger just for a little while,
Then i wouldn't need to do anymore damage,
Even just for a moment in my life,
I regret when i couldn't hold myself back,
As i lost mostly what i treasure and things i cherished,
I hope by it then,
Even for the tiniest chance that i have,
I hope to revive what i lost.

Some other things that i don't want to say,
I wish i could held onto my devilish tongue,
Without piercing anyone's heart,
I could not resist this hurtful daggers that they gave,
I am without a doubt could not keep myself away,
As they are my dearest one to my heart,
But they are also the one that would hurt me most,
Remind me of my temper that could break everyone apart,
Remind me of who i am in the past and even now.

It is more the impossible to not say it,
When all i ever wanted that i care for all,
And this face didn't show what you wanted to see,
Just sometimes i could not express without being sick,
I am this person with the temper,
To always hide every emotion but are easily hurt,
Deep down i want to be strong no matter the endless pain,
Just for the sake of them i tell myself,
Even just for  a little while i want to be patient,
I let myself hurt over and over again,
I shut my mouth to the thoughtless moment,
I wish all the more and more again.

Of IT

Somewhere deep in my heart,

Usually the places that i could thdink of,

A moment of madness lead me to another,

Where it leads from places and endless time,

I imagine it to be a reality,

I rushed toward what i wanted,

But not what i lust,

I learned it as much,

And i sacrifice a whole lot more than i never imagine.

Of romance that i read,

That i envy with just the thoughts,

I should not yearned the same,

But it was every lady's dream to hold the same thing,

I would ask the same,

And this heart still wavers if i should,

My intended where are you by now,

This fear and forgiveness that holds me back,

But i wish you come and save me,

Save me from my own kindness.

Years of Healing

Ages ago they told me to let it go,
I have been trying and i wanted to do so,
So it won't be a pain here,
As i point my own heart,
Ages i have tried after knowing him,
And now i am still trying to make it painless.

If there is an antidote that would help me,
I sure would pay millions that i could never afford,
But to suffer this pain over and over again i can't imagine,
Of how the endless time that i couldn't count,
The long hour that i thought wouldn't end,
I dread the thoughts and the sickness all together,
If i could buy the antidote that ought to help me,
In debt i might be for millions of dollars,
As long a it doesn't hurt anymore.

Years it took me to forget,
To know eventually i can love another,
To open this heart that i myself have close,
How could i let it be so cold for the one person,
When i open my eyes and see a whole lot more,
Aye,
That love and the love alone,
I entitled it to be my future one.

Love for My Creator

Could it be the mistake that i make,
Of sins that i could no longer take back,
Aye,
It is all and all,
I could not bring back what i have lost,
I keep on missing it even more,
Days gone by and aged,
I happen to treasure of those around me,
And yes it pains me to hold back,
This tongue and the truth,
I can never hurt them,
But i realize it by then,
My happiness don't belong to them,
For if i know who to love for the rest of my life,
I no longer worry about being alone.

Allah The Almighty will always be here,
Be watching over me through all my journey,
And thus i come to decide,
To only love Allah, My Creator.

Unworthy of Being Love

Forget the past as i might,
It was like a shadow to me when there's light,
I seem to be backing away all the time,
Of things that i regret and could not hurt,
I have wanted happiness that i speak of,
But and so there is doubt in my own,
Someone who ought to care without any question,
To just accept me as well as my past,
Thus guide me that happiness i speak of.

I could not be selfish although i wanted,
Asking the love that i yearn for,
That smile that fades day by day,
How could i when i know i would hurt,
Being the poisonous venom when they know,
How could i when i know it by then,
There ought to be pain in between,
And i would have tear that heart bits by bits,
Be it in my shadow i disappear,
As long as you are fine for i pray your happiness with someone else.

Each heavy step that i take,
I force myself not to turn around,
I hear my name that you're calling,
Let it be the last time i told myself,
Be happy as i prayed,
But i do know your names will always be within my lips,
Your face that will be the picture of my head,
As i try years and years after that to forget you,
For when i hear of your joyful day comes,
I know i did the right thing for you,
When you found someone better,
Don't mind about me,
I am not worth the love that i dream of.

The Love of My Heart

Love,
My love in my heart,
In times when i could not find you,
Please be my light in the darkness,
Be my hand when i need,
Without ask or the shouts,
Of course i have demand too much,
But dear love of mine,
Be my protector against my own kindness,
For i would not know when i ought to be destroy,
As this heart of mine shattering,
And where is this love of mine,
The other side that i wait,
To whom i ought to stay loyal.

Love,
My love in my heart,
Guide me to where we would belong,
Of heaven that we each seek,
As i would not ask any angel to stay beside me there,
When i could have ask to be your faithful with only you,
And thus i can not  give all of my heart to you now,
The Almighty that we have faith in,
I want to be able to see you in heaven,
And of course i pray too much,
But dear o dear love of mine,
You are the one whom will be my other half,
Accept me from my past,
To not shed any more tears than what i should have,
And dear love of mine where are you,
As dramatic as i need you here with me,
I would as much want to love you now.